In the Wake of Tommy’s Death
In the past days, I have opened my ears enough to learn of the events that transpired in other peoples’ lives after learning of our accident. I have been so touched to learn about the power my Tommy’s life and death had on others. I received a firsthand account of the events that transpired at “Spirit West Coast”—from receiving the devastating first phone call, to the lives that were changed. I have also received a letter from a fellow Cub Scout mom telling me about her son’s personal journey with the grief. Her letter made me think of starting a comment area for people that would like to share what they felt, what they experienced, and even what they have gotten out of all that has happened. I have received permission to share her letter with you. Please feel free to share with me.
25 Responses to “In the Wake of Tommy’s Death”
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About Tommy
On July 29, 2009, Tommy Botell was killed by a rock retaining wall that collapsed while hiking with his family at Lassen Volcanic National Forest.
Tommy's sister Katrina, was seriously injured and suffered numerous facial fractures.
Tommy was a dedicated scout, a fan of Indiana Jones, a budding adventurer and a beloved son and brother.
Tommy died in the loving arms of his mother. He was 9 years old.
This site is dedicated to his memory and keeping that memory alive.
Hi Jennifer,
I pray that this does not bring grief to you, or a heavy heart, but I wanted to share something special with you and your family.
The day my son Noah got the news that your son had passed away, we were at a pack meeting. Noah fell to the ground in the hardest tears I’ve ever seen, and I had to carry him to the car. I’m quite certain that it was the hardest moment in his life. It has been a journey of grief for him.. bad dreams, sleepwalking, crying in class etc. Your son had a powerful impact on his fellow scouts. Though in grief counseling, the road to healing may be slow.
After the funeral, Noah asked me to go somewhere special with him, but he did not want me to tell anybody. He has found a man who is helping him build a memorial picnic table and benches for Tommy, and he is doing a majority of the work himself. The reason for being so secretive was so the focus would not be about who made it, but rather who it is for. It is also a very emotional project, often times where he has to stop. The table is constructed of White fir, and will be pretty ornate when it is finished. The prayer is to have it placed somewhere in Lassen, if your family is o.k. with that, but if not, we will give it to you. My son is working through his grief on this amazing project, and I didn’t want you to be the last to know. You can not believe the effort being put forth. I think God is working through this tragedy in an amazing way. My son is changed. He’s always been kind, but he is a different person through this. The top of the table will have a plaque, eagle’s wings, and an inlaid grommet from an American flag that Noah retired during a special ceremony. One bench will have name & picture carvings from all of his scout friends, and the other has a special request… Would your family like to carve on the other bench? It may take a while for us to get it sanded, but when we do, we could deliver it to you, and give you as much time as you like. If not, I would completely understand. This was Noah’s design, and tribute to his brother in scouting. Wherever it lands,just know that it is for Tommy. The hope is that it will always be a safe place to rest, and a place to remember Tommy. God Bless you, and I hope I didn’t upset you in any way. Much Love,
Bee, and the Williams gang
Hi Bee, I don’t know if I met you when I was in Red Bluff those couple weeks, but I do believe I know which scout was Noah and I saw his pain at the memorial service. I know from the past that having an outlet to channel your grief is a very good thing, and it sounds like Noah’s project is just amazing. In the days we spent at the hospital with Katrina, I had occasion to speak with Lassen park reps, and at one point mentioned that a memorial plaque in Tommy’s name might be good, one day, for their park and our family and Tommy’s friends. If there is anything I can do to help, if signatures are needed to petition a memorial location for your son’s project, if I can donate some funds to cover any fee the park may have to install such a memorial, or anything else that comes to mind, please let me know, thanks. Grandma Carolyn in Groveland near Yosemite.
Thank you so much
I am sorry I didn’t get the chance to say hello in person. I was so paralyzed at the funeral I was not able to speak. I’ll try and forward you a picture or two of Noah and Tommy together. We will make sure the family sees the completed project before anyone else. The support is so appreciated.
Hope to meet you someday. God Bless, Bianca
Bianca,
This is Mike from Cameron Park, your old room mate. VERY happy to hear you got married. One lucky man. Thought of you often.
Please contact me. Would love to hear how you are doing.
Have often spoke of you to friends.
You taught me something important.
To never let anyone interfere with your happiness.
Mikey
Bee, can you send me your email address?
Tom and Jennifer,
I have intended multiple times to say something, but unfortunately, I have not been able to find anything to say. Nothing that hasn’t already been said, anyways. As you know, I started working with Tommy, and the rest of his den, just this January, but in that short period of time, I got to know Tommy, and both of you as well. I wish I could have had more time to get to know all of you. Tommy’s death struck me hard, but it hit the boys much harder than it did me. Seeing the boys’ pain and grief in everything we did was difficult, especially knowing I could do nothing about it. In the past month and a half, I have seen an immense change in the boys in the den. As Bee said, Noah has been one of the most changed, and I think the change could be for the better. I know that the hard road has not ended yet, but to see the boys’ attitudes concerning this tragic event improving, I think, is a good sign.
There I go, rambling again. Whatever may happen, always remember that the den, the pack, and the entire scouting community, is also “family” in a way, the World Brotherhood of Scouting. I think I speak at least for our Den, and likely for most of our Pack, when I say that Tommy will always live on in our hearts, and that the memories of the good times we have all shared will always be vivid reminders of what scouting can mean to a boy, and why us leaders are here.
God Bless you and yours,
Ben Nichols
Ben, I do not think you are “rambling”. If you are, well then… I like your “rambling”. We were enjoying getting to know you too. I will miss doing Cub Scout things with Tommy and his Den. Send my love to all those boys and let them know that they have a place in my heart forever.
Much Love,
Jen
We were all at a pack meeting, and at the beginning they asked all of us to pray, that there had been an accident at lassen with the Botell family, and that both children were hurt. The kids kept nervously pacing back and forth, and Noah kept telling me something really bad happened, that he could feel it. I was still in shock from having received a call from Jason earlier in the day, and not realizing we were praying for people we knew. Towards the end, I started to hear shrieking from some of the lady’s, and I looked at Ivy, and her head went down. The pit of my stomach turned, and Bill Shepard called all the people to a circle. I knew the news was bad, but I wasn’t prepared for what came next. I saw every boy from the pack fall apart in a heartbeat, but especially Tommy’s den. Seth, a pastor from our church came and prayed with all of us. I was trying to pray, but I honestly could barely hear myself think over the sound of children waling and weeping.My son Kylan and I were unable to console Noah. I think for many of us, that is a day that we will never forget. I rode home with all of my three crying, and our neighbor boy. I felt helpless, and sick inside. I stayed up with Noah all night. he kept pounding his fist on the pillow and telling me they were supposed to be Eagles together. That they knew how much each other weighed, and that they were Denner’s. Noah told me when he did the flag ceremony with Tommy up in Oregon, that he felt heavy saddness. I went back and looked at the pictures, and I can see it. Perhaps God was speaking to him, or preparing him for something. Like you, I struggle sometimes wondering why it seems like the most beloved angels are chosen to go back sometimes. Why did it happen to such a good family? Every time I pray about this God is giving me the same answer. Because he was a perfect lamb. When I think of you, I think of Mary watching her son get nailed to a cross. Jesus never did anything to anybody. Perhaps some children are chosen by God to go find their reward early, and to teach us to love a different way. I hope God gives you an answer that brings you peace. I want you to know that every step of the way, till he becomes an Eagle Scout someday, each medal that Noah earns, will also be for Tommy. It is his wish. He can live on in every one of these young men. It’s so strange, on 9/11 I was watching a memorial on the news , and listening to old footage of the attack. I remember thinking that it was the last time I felt the way I did when I heard Tommy died . It was heartbreaking, but it immediately made you hold everyone you loved differently. I hope the day brings you peace and comfort. I hope and pray that God will continue to give you more to remember your son’s life.
God Bless, Bee
Thank You, Bee. Your letters warm my heart.
Bee, what a testimony! Beautifully said. Words I myself have wanted to say but never quite came out the right way. Thank you.
My fondest memory of Tommy was the day we were waiting for the scouts to get back from day camp. you had been sitting in your car and then you moved to my car. The boys got back and Tommy saw your car sitting in the parking lot, but it was empty. He looked around for a minute and then decided since he didn’t see you, he would open the door and get in…you hit the panic button…I thought Tommy was going to jump out of his skin…he got out, looked around…didn’t see you and opened the door…you hit the panic button..again, Tommy jumped..this whole thing was better than watching an episode of candid camera! Even now, I am smiling and laughing with Tommy in my thoughts. My kids will remember him, always. Magz is always making comments about Tommy. Ted, I know he understands, but I’m not so sure he comprehends…does that make any sense? Or it hasn’t sunk in yet. And even tonight, I took dinner out to the fairgrounds where the scouts were working on a booth. Noah and I walked over with some other boys to get a drink of water. He spoke of Tommy again, but this time with a maturity you don’t see in boys that age. He loved Tommy and he misses him.
Much love and endless prayers.
tam
I planted a Tommy Garden yesterday. I planted 189 bulbs. I put them in 21 holes with 9 in each hole, because Tommy was 9 years old. They will bloom around Tommy’s birthday and they will multiply every year. I can’t wait to see them in the spring.
Britt, what a wonderful thing to do for Tommy, and it’s going to be a lovely thing to look forward to. When they blossom I’ll be watching for the photo your Mom will put on facebook! Love you heaps!!
You are a great big sister Brittany!
Jen and fam,
My daughter Jillian was in Tommy’s class last year. She often played with Tommy and Victoria…they were fun! It was her first year at Reeds Creek and Jillian felt like an outcast, but Tommy was one of the few kids that always made her feel like she belonged. He made her laugh – which is not unusual for Tommy!
When we heard Tommy had gone to heaven, Jillian was sad, but she didn’t cry. She was most worried that Katrina wouldn’t be able to do artwork anymore and kept asking if her hands would be ok.
She has always been loving and cuddly, but after Tommy’s death, she was even more so, noticably so. She didn’t want to go to the funeral, but I really think funerals are an important part of facing our grief. She came with me, and she cried a lot. She didn’t want to go to Bethel after because she was having a hard time and didn’t want to see Brittany and katrina…I think mostly because it’s hard to face such strong feelings of sadness.
I’ve known a lot of people who have died, but somehow, Tommy’s death has impacted our family more than anyone. Maybe it hits closer to home because it wasn’t just someone I knew, he was someone my little girl knew. Every night, I hold my kids just a little closer, a little longer, and I pray for them – and for you. And I thank Him for all we have with each other because I so realize that any one of us could be gone in a moment.
My heart is broken for you. And I can’t stop crying for all of you. I know that seems silly since I hardly know you. But it’s true.
God says He uses evil for good. I believe that with all my heart. And I see good things, even now. Even in my own family. Thank you for sharing your son with us.
Thank you so much for sharing with me.
Thanks for sharing with this website. Tommy’s death has been hard to take.
I am thankful that I was on the camping trip at Camp Mc.Laughlin, and for the good times we got to share. It was great that he represented us in the water race.I thought that becoming the Weblo’s two den leader I would only be teaching the kid’s, but I now know I have learned from Tommy to do my best.
David Vise
Thank you for sharing, David. Camp McLoughlin will always have a special place in my heart…as well as the people that shared that time with Tommy and me. It was a great experience for all….one I will never forget.
I’ve read and re-read this site so many times since you put it up, but I’ve failed to comment so far. I’ve had so much going through my mind I just didn’t know what to say or start with. I’ve wished a million times that I could somehow ease your pain, the realization that I can’t is heartbreaking.
Tommy’s death has been a life-changing experience for my entire family.
When we learned of his passing at the pack meeting I was in complete shock. I cried with my boys and the other scout leaders. Every part of my being wanted to jump in my car and rush to the hospital to hug you all, but I didn’t think it was my place to intrude. My boys couldn’t even comprehend what had happened. Rob was on the road working and I had to call him and tell him about the accident. He broke down in tears and had to pull off the road. He told me about what a great time he had just had with both Tommy and Jennifer at summer camp. He couldn’t believe the news I had to tell him. We were devastated with grief. It honestly took several weeks to even sink in that Tommy was gone. It still seems surreal.
When people asked me about Tommy I just said that there was something calm and wise about his being. He was such a joyful and good boy. We could always count on Tommy to do the right thing and to inspire the kids around him to follow.
My boys have had a very difficult time coping. My youngest son Hunter told me recently that all he was asking Santa for this Christmas was to bring Tommy back. I lost my breath for a while…
Tanner was much closer to Tommy, since they were in scouts together for several years. At first Tanner cried off and on for days, then he went silent and didn’t want to talk at all about what happened. He has been a roller-coaster of emotion and he opened up again after seeing you at the recent pack meeting when you came to accept the Spirit of the Eagle Award. Hugging your family helped Tanner deal with his grief. He keeps the picture of Tommy, himself, and Hunter Ferreira from camp next to his bed. Quite often when he goes to bed he picks up the picture and looks at it and tells me how much he misses Tommy. We cry together, hug, and talk about God’s plan for us. This was never a life lesson I planned on teaching, and the grief has been overwhelming at times.
I’ve found that I’ve spent more time hugging my boys, and less time worrying about life’s petty events. Rob and I have grown closer together in our love for our children and gratefulness of the lives we have together.
The strength,grace, and love of your family has been an inspiration to all of us in the community. We miss Tommy each and every day and he will be in our hearts forever.
God Bless You,
Heather Wilhite
Wilhite family,
I have read your post several times and have wanted to reply, but by the time I am done reading it I am in tears and can’t see the screen. I love you, guys. Heather, thank you for this lovely letter, so heartfelt and sincere. I am so sorry about the pain your boys are feeling but am so thankful that Tommy had such caring and loving friends in his life. His Brothers in Scouting were so special to him and he enjoyed being a part of Den 5. We had a great time at Camp with Tanner and Rob. Your husband had us laughing most of the time…memories that I will cherish forever. I like hearing about the good things that have come from this tragedy . It helps me feel like Tommy’s death was not for nothing. He had a purpose here and it was bigger in death than in life. So, just keep on hugging your kids every night and every morning. It is as I kept saying before the accident “We are given today, and not promised a tomorrow, so love your peeps with all you’ve got!” I also began last summer saying that, “I was going to live this summer like it was the last with my kids.” I had no way of knowing it would literally be the last with my Tommy. I was thinking because of the economy I might have to go back to work. Nevertheless, it seemed to be an “all about Tommy” summer. I hope everyone makes the most of every single day that they have with their kids…live with no regrets. Thank you again, Heather. We love your family so much. God Bless.
Much Love,
Jen
O man this website is so incredibly wonderful, and so darned hard to read, it hurts so much, but it hurts good (in its memories and stories) too. Grandma Carolyn.
Tommy, there is a Basketball tournament that is going to be played in your honor on Feb.5th and 6th. On the awards will be one of your pictures. It is Reeds Creek’s goal to have an award with your picture on it in every school in Tehama county. Just thought you would like to know this.
Love you
Daddy-Poo
I had an amazing dream last night and I got to hug Tommy. I cried and told him I loved him and missed him over and over again. He said, “Dad, why are you crying? Dad I’m ok.” I smiled and woke up from my dream. It was so real. Today is a good day knowing Tommy is OK.
:):):):)
As you travel this painful road please know you are not alone. Your Tommy will always be in your heart.
Tommy, watch over your family as you fly so high and brightly in the sky and if happen to meet Chris and Stephany please give them a hug and tell them their mom misses them too.
Love to your family
Happy Birthday Tommy. I hope you had an awesome birthday and you are deeply missed but we know that you are watching over all of us down here..You are a special young man who is touching so many lives..Bear is so proud of you as we are of him…
Love to you and your family
I came across this page because I was looking for a picture of a little boy with a halo so that I can make a personalized bib for a baby cousin who’s 17 year old uncle passed away in a car accident in 2006 (who was also my cousin). I somehow ended up on this page. Your son IS so cute and for whatever reason, I decided to leave this comment. I hope that you are not upset that I am leaving this comment even though I do not know any of you.
I just wanted to say that in the past few years, I have lost soooo many loved ones and I know words do not take any pain away, but there is one thing—one thing only, that tends to act like a band-aid at times… That band-aid is called memories. Although they may at times cause some tears to run down my face, memories also allows for me to see “that” person again…feel them and even smell them. I am extremely sorry for your loss. Your little boy is flying above you all night and day. He is always with you. I just know it! I sincerely hope you all find some peace at some point during your sorrow.
-Erika